i've always been inspired by noble causes. in junior high, i received regular mailings from "restore: the north woods" and kept a greenpeace calendar on my wall. i admire those individuals who can chain themselves to wrecking balls, take up housekeeping in a giant redwood, or dedicate years of their lives working with the peace corps. and in keeping with this self-sacrificial, for-the-betterment-of-the-world vibe, i'd like to propose a campaign of my very own.
i want to rid the world of mosquitos.
now, please do not think that this is simply for my own benefit. indeed, it has very little to do with the fact that i tried to water my garden last night and in the span of four minutes i nearly lost the lower quarter of my calves to a particularly voracious swarm of skeeters. this incident merely acted as a reminder of all the misery these detestable little creatures wreak on the whole of humankind. as i stood in horror as the tiny little insects flew away, laden with my blood, i decided that it was time to take a stand. no longer should we hide in fear behind citronella candles and foul-smelling bug sprays. let us join together and take back our yards, parks, and campgrounds. let us walk together in the twilight of dusk and not fear for the safety of our exposed flesh.
join me, brothers and sisters! united, we can fight back and save our planet! 8:05 AM //
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* Ryan Adams Cardinology
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