i cut my finger this morning. in exactly the same place as i've cut it before, doing exactly the same thing i was doing then, ignoring the very same safety measure that could have prevented the last injury. argh.
ok, i was cutting a bagel and was obviously holding it wrong, and sliced right into my finger. now, the thing of it is that i actually own a "bagel safety knife." have you ever seen one of these? (if you've ever seen a "lettuce safety knife," its the exact same thing, but made in white plastic rather than green.) i think it came free with something else, because i certainly would never had bought it (evidenced by the fact that i never even use it). and the irony here is how much i laughed at the entire existence of a "bagel safety knife" in the first place... who the hell came up with this? who needs one of these? what retard needs safety equiptment to cut a frigging bagel? obviously, i should never have tempted fate by mocking this ingenious little invention, because it wasn't long afterward that i sliced right into my finger with a steak knife while preparing a bagel one morning. so a reasonably intelligent person might have learned some sort of lesson from this unfortunate mistake. oh no, not me. so this morning when i'm cutting bagels for everyone, do i grab the "bagel safety knife" from the drawer? fuck no. i go straight for the 10-inch-long bread knife with huge, razor-sharp teeth. and proceed to sink it into my flesh. lovely.
the moral of the story: if some little gadget claims to protect you from your own idiocity, don't mock it. just use it. 4:23 PM //
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